This is rape culture
Why are guys so scared of murder? Y’all should feel pride that I risked my life in jail just to fUCKING KILL YOU YOU FUKCING DOUCHEBAGS
my jaw stayed open for a solid 3 minutes.
This made me beyond pissed.
This morning, BuzzFeed is featuring a story from Project Unbreakable (website/Tumblr), who work with survivors of sexual assault, photographing them holding a poster with a quote from their attacker. Today’s unique story uncovered stories from men who have been assaulted, and touches base on some of the stigmas surrounding men and sex, with quotes from attackers such as “Don’t worry, boys are supposed to like this,” and “You’re a guy, you can’t say no to a girl like me.”, as well as many threats to hurt loved ones. Many people still don’t realize that yes, man CAN and ARE victims of sexual abuse, not only from women but from fellow men, and that it is not made any less traumatizing for a man simply because he is a man, and saying things like “man up” does nothing except further dehumanize and hurt the victim. There is, if possible, even more blame put on a male victim of sexual abuse than female because people assume that all men want sex, from any person, at any time. Stop this. Stop the abuse of ANYBODY, stop victim blaming, and stop telling male abuse survivors that men being raped “isn’t a real thing.” You can read the full story and see the rest of the pictures here.
I started having sex with adult men when I was 13 years old.
Neglected at home and ostracized at school, I found comfort in the sexual attentions of older men. Unlike boys my own age, who cruelly taunted me, older men were nice to me. Unlike my emotionally distant father, older men paid attention to me. They were grooming me, but to that chubby, attention-starved teenage girl, their attentions felt a lot like love.
And so I created Prodigy chat rooms with names like “13yo girl home alone” and spent hours chatting and having phone sex with the men who would find me there. I “dated” men in their 20s and 30s that I met at the movie theater, online or hanging around local college town with my other underage girlfriends. I pursued these relationships with with Lolita-like abandon. The terrifying thing is how few adult men ever said no.
I was not coerced. I consented to all these sexual encounters in the basest sense of the world. But I was making choices that I wasn’t emotionally equipped to make. Legally, that’s why statutory rape laws exist. Because like an intoxicated person, an underage person is not truly capable of informed consent.
And yet, on Monday, Stacey Rambold, a Senior High teacher convicted of raping 14-year-old Cherice Morales, who later committed suicide, was sentenced to spend just 30 days in jail. The judge justified his decision in part by saying he listened to recorded statements given by Morales before her death and believes that while she was a troubled youth, she was “as much in control of the situation” as Rambold.
The judge also said Morales was “older than her chronological age.”
Yep, you read that right. A 14-year-old ” troubled youth” who eventually committed suicide (as a direct result of the sexual assault and its aftermath, according to her mother) had “control over the situation” with a 49-year-old rapist. But don’t worry, this wasn’t “the kind of rape most people think about,” according to Judge G. Todd Baugh. “It was not a violent, forcible, beat-the-victim rape, like you see in the movies.” He generously added that “It was nonetheless a rape…and this should not have occurred.”
After the sentencing, the victim’s mother shouted “You people suck!” repeatedly before storming out of the court, and later told news cameras, “My faith in the justice system is gone.”
While researching this article, I read many comments supporting the judge’s decision, all predicated on the idea that the 14-year-old victim had consented to sex with her 49-year-old teacher.
"There is little to no information given about what the nature of the relationship was, how it started, how long it lasted, how the girl felt about the relationship or perceived it, how much consent … she gave in regards to it all, but all signs point to the fact that this was an ongoing relationship where they engaged in sex on at least 3 occasions, which strongly brings to question just how much actual victimization took place here," wrote one commenter.
The fact is, a 14-year-old girl may be capable of agreeing to sex with a 49-year-old man, but she doesn’t have the emotional and mental maturity to consent. I was 25 before I realized that every man I’d slept with as a teenager was a pedophile. It seemed to me that since I’d courted the attention, that I was fully culpable. What teenager believes she is not mentally or emotionally capable of full consent? I thought I was an adult, although when I look at the picture of myself from the time period above, I see a child.
I thought I was the exception for these men, the girl so precocious and advanced that it superseded social norms. I thought that I was “older than my chronological age.”
It never occurred to me as a young sexually active teen that the adult men I had relationships with may have been manipulating me, that they had designs and motives I couldn’t see from my limited child’s perspective.
Once, I met a 28-year-old man online and went to his house for a “date.” He began to undress me almost immediately — I went along with it because I wanted him to like me, and our sexual encounter culminated with him holding my head down and ejaculating into my throat while I sputtered and struggled to pull away. Later, I couldn’t understand why he never called me again, why he didn’t want to be my boyfriend.
Because I was a child, I was missing large pieces of the perspective required to understand adult situations. Children can be sexual. Children can pursue. Girl children in particular may have already learned how to manipulate and bargain with their sexuality at a very young age. They are still children. Like all children, they test boundaries, boundaries that adults must set and maintain.
If Cherice Morales was indeed a “troubled youth,” like I was, if she came from a dysfunctional home or had a trauma background or had been previously abused, then not only may she have been lacking in protection at home, she may have been especially incapable of protecting herself. And that’s why statutory rape laws exist — to protect children who need protecting, not just from those who will prey upon them, but from themselves.
The defense argued that Rambold had suffered enough by losing his career, his marriage and his home and suffering a “scarlet letter of the Internet” as a result of publicity about the case.
For my part, I spent the next decade of my life wrestling with demons borne partly of sexual trauma. I became addicted to drugs, risky sex, and alcohol. I still struggle to learn that there are better ways to get attention than with my body, that my sexuality isn’t the only thing that makes me worthy of love and attention.
Still, I made it out of my teen years alive; Cherice Morales wasn’t so lucky.
What I needed, and what she needed, were strong male role models in my life who knew how the fuck to say “No thanks” to a little girl’s come-ons. Because it doesn’t matter if a young girl is saying yes, it’s an adult man’s job to say no.
My submission to Project Unbreakable. But I’m also taking this to raise awareness. Not all men are the attacker. Not all men are attacked by other men. Just because you’re a man or a woman does not mean you’re any more and less capable of such evils like this one. Men can be victims of women. Women can be victims of men. Men can be victims of men. Women can be victims of women. Sexual Assault/Rape is never okay in any situation. No mean NO! Just because you’re a male doesn’t mean you want sex or have had a lot of partners. My attacker took away my virginity before I was even able to obtain my first kiss or even hold hands with a girl.
"Yes, false rape accusations happen. Run the protocol anyway. I’ve heard that perhaps the military has the highest number of ‘em. True or not, RUN THE PROTOCOL ANYWAY. Because in 15 years of investigating rape accusations, I can count those that panned out as false on one hand. Meanwhile, the one time I almost skipped the protocol, the one time I almost didn’t believe a petty officer, because I was naive as an investigator and a young woman, because her commanding officer described her as “a party girl, always late, always out drinking, don’t bother with this one”, she turned out to be the victim of one of the most brutal assaults I’ve ever investigated. She shouldn’t have still been -alive-, let alone up and making the accusation. So let me repeat: five false accounts in fifteen years. And one time I almost failed a woman ‘cause of the bullshit way it’s normal to talk about us. Take your shipmates’ word, and then run the protocol. Every. Single. Time."
The swinging pendulum of sexism arrives! Ladies, Men can get raped too. Remember that.
Just to put some perspective in this for those people who may be confused at how a guy can get a boner but not really be sexually charged, so to speak…
Ladies, you know how your nipples get hard for seemingly no reason (sans stepping into a cold room anyway)? You go to put on a shirt and your nipples are poking out like they haven’t seen daylight in over 40 years? Or you brush them up against something and BAMMO, nipple town? Or someone slaps you in the tits and they’re standing full mister?
You get where I’m going with this? Your sexual organs are built to respond to stimulus, be it one you personally find sexually gratifying or not. Saying a dude who gets a boner while he’s otherwise not consenting to sex is lying about the fact would be like saying any girl who gets wet while getting raped is actually enjoying it/wants it.
so… you know… dont be stupid about this people. guys can get raped too and girls can most definitely be the fuckin perps.
People who think men don’t get raped are just as bad as the people who think men can’t control their urges to rape women. It happens less often, but it still happens, and it’s just as traumatizing for the male victim. You can’t just disregard a victim based on their gender.
TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE
“RAPE CREW” COACH BLATANTLY DENIES COVER-UP, BLAMES “ANONYMOUS” FOR PERPETUATING FALSE CLAIMS
Two football players kidnapped a sixteen-year-old girl who was possibly drugged and too drunk to resist and took her to several parties where she was then raped. THE EVENT WAS EVEN LIVE-TWEETED BY THE PEOPLE INVOLVED.
From the NYT website: “Twitter posts, videos and photographs circulated by some who attended the nightlong set of parties suggested that an unconscious girl had been sexually assaulted over several hours while others watched. She even might have been urinated on. In one photograph posted on Instagram by a Steubenville High football player, the girl, who was from across the Ohio River in Weirton, W.Va., is shown looking unresponsive as two boys carry her by her wrists and ankles. Twitter users wrote the words “rape” and “drunk girl” in their posts.”
Local parents and authorities in Steubenville, OH are invested in covering the story up, claiming the girl “made it up” to cover up the fact that she drank too much and was out late, and that it’s ruining their football program - despite the fact that there is evidence of these boys laughing and talking about the rape on video and through social media as it happens. DON’T LET THESE SICK BASTARDS GET AWAY WITH IT JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE PRECIOUS FOOTBALL PLAYERS.
(Sidenote: “Dead” is a euphemism for “drugged”.)
HOW ARE WE AT A POINT WHERE WE WILL DEFEND RAPISTS EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE TWEETED, POSTED A PHOTO, AND RECORDED A VIDEO BLATANTLY ADMITTING - BOASTING ABOUT - THE FACT THAT THEY RAPED SOMEONE? WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK.
VIDEO of the rapists’ gloating. Warning: the video is disgusting. In the twelve-minute original, some fucked up shit is said, but what stuck out the most was when someone got disgusted and went to go check on the rape victim and asked Michael (the guy telling all the jokes), “What if that was your daughter/sister?” And he replied, “I wouldn’t care.”
STILL NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT THIS.
STOP “LIKING” THIS.
THIS IS NOT A “SILENT SUPPORT” SITUATION.
I’M NOT COUNTING “LIKES” FOR THE PRIZE OF JUSTICE FOR FUCK’S SAKE. TELL PEOPLE. GET PEOPLE ANGRY. THEY NEED TO BE FUCKING LIVID.
guys, please reblog. this is just absolutely sick.
When I was a kid, I used to go over to friend’s houses and notice that their parents never seemed to bully them or hit them. I assumed this was just because they had a friend over, and that their parents terrorized them all the time when I wasn’t around. I didn’t identify my situation as abuse or reach out to a teacher or counselor because I thought everyone had to live through this. I was probably twenty by the time I realized that some families really don’t humiliate and belittle their kids, ever.
I wish someone had gotten that through to me. I wish instead of saying vaguely and uncomfortably “you can talk to the counselor if you have problems at home,” my teachers had said flat-out “it is not normal to be afraid of your parents, and not normal to be unhappy whenever you’re at home, and you can ask us if you’re not sure if something’s okay or not.” I wish someone could have taught me that wanting to be safe was human instead of selfish.
And I’m probably going to make a whole post about this so I won’t belabor the point right now, but this is why feminists care about media and memes that normalize rape. (Or that stigmatize the words “rape” and “rapist,” but enthusiastically normalize the act of forcing sex on people, as long as you don’t call it that.) Because it tells people that rape is normal, that it’s a popular and accepted way to express romance and/or dominance, and we can’t assume that everyone absorbing this culture knows “of course that’s not how it really works.”"
TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF RAPE/VICTIM BLAMING IN RESPONSE TO JENNA MARBLES’ VIDEO ABOUT “SLUTS”
Once again, chescaleigh tells it like it is and saves the world.
(If you don’t already watch her, she makes awesome and super funny videos about race and gender and self-respect and everything worth discussing ever. Go.)
This woman is brave, amazing, and incredibly human. Let’s all go comment and send her lots of love, okay? Because there are already a hoard of victim-blaming arseholes in the comments. It’s hard for women to share in this day and age, especially to discuss an experience as difficult as this, on a forum as open and unmoderated as youtube. So spread the positivity my darlings ♡
This made me cry :(
Her message is so true. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of victim-blaming that I felt (and believed) for well over a year after my assault.
this made me cry. this is my rape.
this is my fucking rape.
i appreciate this woman so, so much.
i’m not ready to watch this, so i haven’t. just reblogging for those that might be.
This definitely had me crying….
how perfect is this woman and her message? she is intelligent, respectful, likable, wise, confident, down to earth. and yes taking advantage of a man or woman or child in any circumstance IS wrong and IS rape and we should be trying to protect and prevent victims and blaming rapists. I have never heard that message so perfectly expressed.
The poster reads:
“How can a girl rape a boy?”
- Nearly everyone I tried to tell for the first four years after it happened.
Photographed in Chicago, IL on September 27th
Click here to learn more about Project Unbreakable. (trigger warning)
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If you think men can’t be raped by women, then from the bottom of my heart, I hate your fucking guts.
This is from the slut walk. One of the arguments is that girls ask for rape because they wear slutty clothes, short skirts, tight, low-cut tops. This girl is an example of the fact that rape victims can look like anyone, you, me, this girl. Rapists. Dont. Discriminate.
I promised a long time ago that I’d reblog this whenever I saw it on my dash. No regrets, it breaks my heart every single time.
an incredibly important message, rape is rape. no one is ever asking for it. a woman has the right to dress how ever they want - it is society that identifies risque dressing as ‘asking for it’, and in my opinion, that way of thinking needs to be diminished.
Always, always reblog.
PLEASE SPREAD THIS
A 17 year old girl was raped by two men and then told by court officials that she wasn’t allowed to talk about it or share the names of her attackers. She tweeted her rapists’ names and is now facing 180 days in jail and a $500 fine.
Her rapists’ names, in case you were wondering, are Will Frey and Austin Zehnder. Please spread these names so that the court isn’t able to protect these boys and shame the victim.
More reasons to hate the judicial system.
How I love America.
greatest video ever created.